Introduction

This is an overview of the next four segments that provide a developmental approach to building healthy relationships.  It is designed to introduce the participants to the material and encourage them to continue to come back and build on the material and the experiences they have had in the preceding weeks. 

Much of the learning and growth happens as the people work to apply the material in their own specific relationships and situations during the week.  The group itself acts as a support system for the participants helping them to realise they are not alone in the journey.  They are encouraged to work on their own issues and be there for themselves and keep confidences of the things shared by other participants.

Identity

As children, we learn ways of protecting ourselves from emotional pain and the withholding of love by developing a more acceptable “me”.  We feel the internal distress but learn that exposing that distress may not be acceptable.  So we learn to present an ideal “super” self to protect ourselves from ridicule and criticism of others. 

As children, we also learn that it isn’t safe to reveal our true feelings or our true self, which has been interpreted by us as “bad” because of the way others have responded to us.  We hide or bury our real or true feelings, thoughts and behaviours because others will perceive us as “bad” children if we feel, think or act that way.  Instead, we present what we consider to be our “super” or ideal self that will allow others to accept and love us. 

As adults, this “super” or ideal self continues to be a facade we present when we feel emotional distress.  ‘A Life Worth Loving’ identifies symptoms that will be evident in our lives if we are struggling with this dynamic.  It examines the barriers to resolving this dynamic and teaches the skills needed to accept the real “me” and to bring a healthier identity and  understanding of “self” into relationship with others and most especially with God.

Connecting

Connecting with others in a healthy and fulfilling way is the desire of all of our hearts.  It is the first step in life as well.  Children need connection to survive the early years. 

Unfortunately, we have all been hurt in relationships with people who have been close to us.  We often learn through our early experiences that it is not safe to trust, to feel, or to tell.  Thus our world of relationship narrows and becomes distorted and unsafe. 

We develop what we believe are healthy coping mechanisms that actually do protect us as children.  But as we grow into adults, the same coping mechanisms we used to protect ourselves as children from unsafe people and circumstances, become our prisons.  These coping mechanisms, thoughts and feelings keep us in bondage and prevent us from experiencing the fulfilling relationships we so desperately long for. 

This section helps participants to identify those symptoms of unhealthy connecting.  It then presents some of the obstacles or barriers they need to overcome to begin to learn healthy connecting.  It also provides the skills to learn to move into healthy connecting and identify healthier people with whom to connect.

Responsibility

We are all responsible for ourselves and for our contributions into the lives of others.  We are responsible to know “Who I am” and “Who I am not”.  Being responsible involves identifying our physical limits, attitudes, thoughts, choices, and other areas of our lives. 

Responsible people have learned how to define the self and protect the self from harm while contributing into the lives of others.  Developing healthy boundaries takes practice and discernment.  Taking a hard look at the symptoms that indicate non responsible living provides a time of honest evaluation for each participant.

Processes to facilitate that discovery are provided and participants are invited to take a personal inventory of their relationships and how appropriately they demonstrate their responsibility to themselves and others.  They are given opportunities to learn new ways of identifying who they are and how to appropriately move and participate in situations and relationships.

Personal Authority

Because most of us have seen adults using authority in harmful ways, we resist moving into this phase of our growth and development.  As a result, we may face adult situations with childish emotions and reactions. 

Once again, symptoms are presented that will help the participants to identify if this is a problem area in their life.  They are then presented with the barriers that prevent moving into this phase of growth.  Finally, skills are taught that enable participants to assume personal authority and to use that authority wisely in life as they make positive contributions into the lives of those around them.